Mommy Needs A Cocktail: Confessions of a Cheater

by Kristin Nichols on October 26, 2010 | (4) Comments |

Dear Bud Light,

Hello Bud Light my old friend. I've come to talk with you again.

I ran into you again on Sunday.  Yes, you were still there at the same bar, in the same bottle, for the same price I always paid.  You waited there patiently when I got pregnant, knowing that I would come back to you.  I always did!  Remember before I was even legal to drink?  Yes, I know you were there for me then.  I remember how you patiently helped me wash down the taste of my college day Jaeger shots.  I remember even a few years ago that I would peel your label off as I drank Makers Mark after Makers Mark, until your bottle had no trace of paper and I couldn’t walk a straight line.  You didn’t even mind when I threw your bottle in the middle of the street.  You were so cool.

I know, you were even there for me a year ago.  Your icy cold beer was refreshing and I loved you.  I really did.  Especially with Patron.

But.

I got pregnant and didn’t drink for a really, really long time.  And when I went back to you, this past Sunday, you weren’t the same.  Or did I just change?  Because you seemed…well…bitter.  Skunky.  Sort of like…pee?

Oh Bud Light, I’m so sorry.  Cause then, (wipe the dew off your bottle my sad friend), I met someone new.  And I…cheated.  And I think I’ll cheat again.  I’m sorry!

I feel so bad…but he’s a surfer and so very, very cool.  Cold, even.  He has a stylish label and a frosty interior…and he doesn’t taste like pee.  He tastes like the mildly hoppy, smooth, delightful lager that he is.  And he’s local, too!  Local boys are no ka ‘oi.

The Other Beer.

So, sorry Bud Light.  I know we have history and everything.  But, sometimes things change.  Like my taste buds, I guess.  And right now you taste like pee, and Kona Brewing Company’s Longboard lager tastes like heaven.  I guess that’s just the way things have to be.

So long my friend.  I’ll see you again, I’m sure.  But right now a surfer boy has got my heart, and I can’t tear myself away.

4 responses to “Mommy Needs A Cocktail: Confessions of a Cheater”

  1. Mel Galarneau says:

    Kris, I wish you would have talked to me sooner! I could have told you long ago that Bud Light was no good for you. And as for the new guy Longboard, don’t get too attached. There are plenty of fish (or beers) in the sea!

  2. I firmly believe there is a place for Bud Light in any beer lovers diet. Just serve it cold. Really, really, really, really, really, really, staggeringly, unbelievably, small chunks of ice beginning to form cold.

  3. Mel Galarneau says:

    Damnit now I want an ice-cold Bud.

  4. risha abe walters says:

    Kris, I’m pretty sure Bud Light has always tasted like pee. You just never noticed because of the tongue burning spirits that you downed before the Bud Light. Love the Longboard!